A Complaint

I am always going 100mph and I'm not always the nicest to those around me. For instance: Today, I called my mom and asked her to drop off some checks at the bank for me. I said 'please' and 'thank you,' but I was short. I was asking her for a favor, but didn't want to waste the extra seconds to ask how her day went or tell her how I am. I felt badly about it, and I called her from work to let her know. She said she understood, and that she didn't think I was being rude, but I think I was. I need to slow down a little and appreciate her a lot more. I need to appreciate a lot of people more.

I'm turning down the promotion. I can't do it and school. The other reason is, if I decide to dive after this trimester, I can't do both. Even with less homework, 2-5 hours of practice a day and 25 hours of work a week don't mesh well. I still haven't decided anything about diving. I feel obligated to do it, but at the same time I feel like I've never been on a diving board a day in my life. That was so long ago, I'd have to start over. I'm a little nervous, scared, sickened at the idea.

The first thing my mom asked me after I got off of work is whether I could watch Matthew tomorrow. I wanted to ask her what the hell she was thinking. I can't watch him and do my homework at the same time. But then, my feeling of guilt reappeared. I told her I could. It's not that I don't like my brother, or my mother, but watching him is not as conducive to work as one might think.

I should get to bed. Or I will hate myself tomorrow.